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| The author as a toddler, wearing a loose fitting cloth diaper. |
(Note: This is a discussion about the overall views and stereotypes
associated with use of 'diapers' and does not include any personal bathroom
details about my children, or any members of my family. Also, I am a work in progress, and I am learning more every single day.
Please note, if you see references in this post that feel ableist, that I
am learning, and continuing to improve my lexicon when it comes to
respecting the disabled community.)
If someone is unable to walk without assistance, and needs apparatus to
assist them..they use it and people (generally) support the idea that these accommodations
should be accessible. If someone cannot breathe without assistance; of course,
it's medically necessary to provide them with something to assist in breathing.
But, when it comes to the need that millions of people have for absorbent
products that accommodate bathroom needs... All of society seems to clam up.
Or, worse, they spread hate and shame around the idea of anybody over the age
three needing to use these products. Somehow, addressing the differing bathroom
needs for a large percentage of the population is an embarrassing taboo.
Unfortunately, it is a common retort from a frustrated parent of an
Autistic individual to claim 'Well, you don't know what it's like to have to
change the diaper of a ten year old!' As if wearing an absorbent bathroom
product is one of the worst things
that could possibly ever happen to a human being. But, this irate 'diaper'
anger seems unusually limited to the Autistic/neurodiverse stratosphere. If you
child had an accident that left them unable to feel or control anything in
their lower body, and they had to use these bathroom products.. would you be
spreading that all over the internet, and talking about how miserable it is for
you? About what a terrible burden it is that your child has to relieve
themselves in an alternative way? Why do people think it's okay to share the
bathroom habits of Autistic individuals far and wide for everyone to read? Because
they cannot use your limited idea of 'speech' to tell you that they don't
consent?
Newsflash! It's not wrong, weird or gross for a human being to need accommodations when
it comes to bathroom needs. In fact, the world needs to be a lot more accommodating
when it comes to this very thing. There are so few changing stations available
that will fit a full size adult who needs assistance with bathroom needs. Or,
even fit an eight year old! While it is wonderful that more men's bathrooms*
are getting changing tables for babies.. we have to continue to spread the
diversity and acceptance of all people with all abilities. People who are
unable to use a toilet should not be locked away in their homes, or only able
to be out on a short timeline. They deserve to see and experience the world,
just as anybody with 'typical' bathroom habits do.
Bathroom needs are a universal human trait. But, not everybody has the
exact same needs. Everybody deserves the same respect, even when they have
different needs. And, please remember this: Your child's bathroom habits are
not click bait. They are not an angry retort. They are a personal need that is
personal to your child, your family and other caregivers. Yes, going out in a
society that infantilizes the use of 'diapers' and does not support disabled
individuals is a challenge. That's a fact. But, that challenge is not the fault
of the person who needs bathroom support. The challenge lies on the shoulders
of society. Use your frustration to change society, and don't take it out on
the person you need to support. Let's do better and be better. Basic human
needs shouldn't be shameful or taboo.
*I recognize the challenges faced in gender stereotypes and bathroom
issues as well. To the trans community; I see you and I support you.
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